Is Your Facebook Friend Practising Dowry?

I remember one fine summer in the swimming pool talking to my friend about her cousin brother’s wedding. In that conversation, we got around to the subject of ”wedding gifts” and I casually asked her what all did her cousin’s family receive from the bride’s side? And in the same candid tone, she went on to mention various items like some luxurious car, a refrigerator, a microwave, jewellery and some other luxury brands of domestic items. We must have been in our early teens back then but what is more troubling in the reflection of this story is just how easily two formative young girls accepted that “expensive gifts” were a given in weddings.

Issues like dowry and domestic violence are often relegated to the uneducated lower and lower middle sections of the society. The educated intelligentsia and the crème de la crème of society garb the same reality under unsuspecting terms like ‘wedding gifts’ (dowry) and ‘personal affair’ (domestic violence/abuse).

The case of Indu Yadav’s death has gone viral on Facebook ever since her brother, SKC Yadav, shared her wedding photo along with the alleged story in the description according to which, her in laws killed his sister for dowry.

We mostly hear cases of dowry or domestic violence through media reports where the identity of the victim or the perpetrator is either protected or they simply appear as names among many in the universe. However, the photo shared by SKC Yadav on Facebook made many people connect with the story and the issue, either surrounding or an intricate part of their lives.

I can imagine the many people who knew Indu Yadav personally and had enviously looked at pictures of her wedding while showering their best greetings and wishes on her wall. Did they know and take for granted that dowry was a party of wedding? Did they ever think this could turn fatal for her?

8,391 cases of dowry-related deaths in the country in 2010 compared to 8,383 the previous year are the latest figures as per India’s National Crime Records Bureau. Krishna Tirath, Women and Child minister, said conviction rates for dowry-related murders over the past five years were relatively unchanged with 23.3 percent in 2010 compared to 27.3 percent in 2006.

The common cynicism of the ‘Chalta hain’ attitude is that the practice of dowry isn’t going to wipe itself away from the Indian patriarchal system, not at least for a very long time.  The biggest argument of the pro-dowry conservatives (that’s what they call themselves) is that dowry is a key part of the Indian tradition in weddings and is meant to be a family’s expression of their love for the daughter, departed to a new home.

The ”only” problem is because of systems and practices of dowry and bride price, there are increasing cases of baby girl foeticide and infanticide because parents cannot afford to both raise and marry off their daughters. The “only” problem is that this leads to a skewed sex ratio of an average 914 girls per 1000 boys (according to the 2011 Census data) in the country and hence, an unequal representation of women in the public domain. The “only” problem is that due to the demands of dowry by the groom’s family, untold amounts and forms of violence (physical, mental, sexual and emotional) is meted out to the young brides or the Lakshmis (Goddess of Wealth) of the house. The “only” problem is that girls don’t get an equal right to education, opportunities, personal choices or even life because of this system of Lena Dena (give and take).  

So the next time you see one of your college friend or that acquaintance you barely know sharing her/his 'Roka/Sangeet/Wedding/Reception' pictures on Facebook, do hashtag your congratulations as, “Wish you a happy married life but #saynotogifts”.

Marriages may (or not) be made in heaven but dowry surely jumped right out of hell!